19th Jun 2010
Saturday // 7pm // 2 years ago
I feel inspired.
So I was just on Facebook exploring the boring world, and I came across my best friend’s posting. I clicked on it and read a bunch of her posts. Then became inspired to start a blog. I usually write in a journal once in a while, but I don’t feel like I have enough privacy in my household to actually keep my thoughts hidden. Therefore, this seems much easier. Thanks Sammie =]
Well today was a rough day. I went to Gay Pride with my old best friend. We had fun, somewhat. I met up with my ex girlfriend, not realizing how bad things would get. We saw eachother and I gave her a hug. I couldnt help but to. Its been a rough couple days. =/ Anyways, I talked to her for a bit. She told me about her new girlfriend, and claimed it wasnt that serious. I knew she was lying. I was angry inside because we just broke up and she was already with someone else. Apparently a year and a half meant nothing to her. But all of a sudden in my thought, she came out of no where and kissed me. She told me she loved me more than anything in the world and she needed space to see what she wanted. She explained how she wasnt ready for much committment and stuff. I knew it was all a lie. She was playing with my heart. I believed her. She made me feel important and loved. After a few hours, she explained to me she needed to go because she had to go meet her friends up and stuff. She left me with tears in my eyes and a broken heart. I, then decided, I could no longer put myself in that predicament any longer. I cant let her control my life or my heart. I dont deserve the games she plays. I gave her everything and she took it all away in an instant and wants it back again. As hard as it was, I cried all the way home. I knew I had to let her go. I just didnt think I had the strength. I came home and thought about the last few years, and what my future would be like if I continued it on the same path. I realized I dont need the aggrivation. She wants her cake and to eat it too. Im not letting her. She only wants me on her time, its not fair. So as much as its going to probably upset and hurt me, I am going to let her go for good. I dont think we should even be friends. I think it would be easier to just let her go, completely. =/ Its not that I want to, I need to and I know it. Its been far too long for the same games. She will never change. I dont need to babysit her. I need someone I know I am going to have a future with and be able to see myself with. She is just not it.
On a better note, a few days ago, I was exploring the world of online dating lol. I found someone. He actually contacted me. I have been emailing him for a few days now. We talk all the time. His name is David. He does not live too far. He is very sweet and most def caring. He makes me smile with his random morning emails/texts and says good-night. We talk throughout the day about many different things. I am opening up to him. I am starting to trust him. Tomorrow is the first day we will meet. Im quite nervous but very excited. I need it. I need a change. Ive never really been serious with a guy but this is good. He makes me smile and have butterflies already. Im excited to see where things go. He is a little bit older than me, by 5 years. its not too bad. He has a job and works for a living. He lives with his mom and is very family-oriented. Im actually happy, something I havent been for a while. Im finally doing something for me and not to please someone else. Im not having him meet my mom for a little while, I want things to go somewhat slow. I have a good feeling about it though. He told me I am a sweet girl and I deserve to be treated as one. =] It makes my day with the little things he says. <3 So I hope things work out for the best. Im not trying to fall in love right away but Im looking for someone who will be there for me and not just themselves and I think he may be it. =]
So thats it for my first posting, considering my hands are hurting lol.